This is a repeat blog from a couple of weeks ago. Why? Because things haven't changed. I'm still here...

except its one more month now.....

Monday October 27, 2008 Topic: Hurting Mood: Depressed
Dear Lord,

Do you think it would be possible that you might let me know that you are still with me in some way? It's been 3 years 3 months. Three very long years. I've stayed faithful to you. Not perfectly, I know, but faithful. I've kept coming back.

My friends have abandoned me, my basic emotional needs are not being met, everybody seems to assume that I mean the worst when I only want the best, and I don't know how much longer I can take things like this.

I know that I have no right asking the creator of the universe to answer me, but see, I trusted you. I trusted those promises you made in all the scripture passages about comforting me. I sing those songs at about 30-35 funerals a year and each time my heart agonizes over the fact that I haven't been comforted.

I've visited you so many times in adoration begging to hear or feel or receive something from you that would encourage me to keep going. That you were by my side and you hadn't abandoned me too. I've said many rosary novenas so that maybe your mother would approach you and help me out. I've played an average of 3-5 masses every weekend and tried to be faithful in my prayer. I've taken seriously the responsibilities you gave me 6 years ago playing for church and done my best in caring for the planning and playing the masses.

These intellectual pursuits make me more in awe of you. They give me a bigger understanding of who you are. But my heart is aching. And it hasn't stopped for over 3 years.

I've tried to be faithful to you. Can you please help me out? Please?