I have been intending to do a full out rant on the bridezilla trend, however, something just came up that I wanted to comment on because its fresh on my mind. I may still do the rant, or it may come in parts... we'll see.
When I started playing music for weddings on a regular basis, I noticed that a lot of brides were coming in with the same thoughts of wedding music. Some of which weren't appropriate for a catholic wedding, some were just cliche. I decided to do a little research on where they were getting these ideas, and exactly what was being told. I did some google searches and ended up on a wedding website. This particular site has forums, and an actual forum for “Catholic brides”. With intrigue, I read the q&a there, and saw many misunderstandings and incorrect answers given about almost everything mostly from anecdotal stories. There were a few orthodox Catholics there that were pretty knowledgeable. I stuck around to correct some errors, and I go back occasionally as I usually get sucked into places where I can witness to the faith.
The latest posting (not in the Catholic forum, but in a generic one) is such a blatant and obvious example that the wedding industry has taken over many people's ability to think clearly when engaged.
Ok so my future hubby and I live together and we just ordered our save the dates with our address on them. My mom said I need to reorder them without our address on them because if it gets back to the church that we are living together before we are married they will not marry us. Is it true that they will not marry us if we live together before hand? Kind of freaking out a bit....I may have to re-order my STDs (save the dates)...UGH!
My problems:
1. Mom encouraging and bride not even hesitating about keeping secret the living arrangements. All for a “Wedding”. Never mind if its a real or valid marriage, or if its come about honestly. (No I'm not saying those living together can't get married validly, but the lying to the priest is representative of bigger issues that show up at annulment time).
2. The biggest issue in her mind is that she may have to reorder “save the dates” with the address changed.
3. Not one mention or concern that the fact that they are living together is actually a problem, or that the church actually has reasons for discouraging it.
4. All the advice given on the board so far has been how to get around a priest that my encourage living apart... or that they can't deny the marriage because of it. Not one iota of a consideration to heeding the advice.
Now my reason for posting here is not to go into the benefits of a couple not living together before marriage. (and I can do that, I've got facts, stuff about Theology of the Body, etc).
This particular post is just one example of the 2 main issues I see:
Today, the “wedding” schtuff is taking precedence over any consideration about the marriage itself, even to the point that the marriage isn't even really considered, as long as miss bride gets her way.
It seems that it is never considered that there are reasons the church has “rules” and encouarages certain behavior, espcially of those asking for a Sacrament. And that instead of looking to be an exception the rule, one can actually benefit by following it.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Subtlety
Another one for you music geeks:
I enjoy subtle nuances in music. (Was that repetitive? Subtle nuance? I needed a noun). These little "nods" can sometimes be like inside jokes or it can make you long for a little more, because its not overdone.
Examples of "subtlety"...
Straight no Chaser "Hark the Herald/Angels we have heard".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2PedMcs8fA
The arrangement is magnificent, the change in chord progression is only just a little different, and the execution of it is heavenly. Not oversung...they aren't having to restrain, but just giving it the right "touch." In their live shows, many songs contain choreography and cheesy mugging, but this one is done with reverence. This arrangement does contain a lot of layers, however, the way they all end up in the pinnacle part of the chorus, which is the unexpected minor chord that rounds off to end the word, is just the right amount of umph. A gentle breeze rather than hurricane winds.
Dave Matthews "Christmas Song"
I know its old, but the simplicity of just guitar and voice take away distractions from the meaning of the lyrics. The song stands by itself, it doesn't need lots of layers or instrumentation to grab you. The back and forth of a free flowy kind of feel in the verse to the 2&4 time kept in the chorus helps you listen to the story, then hear the point made.
When coming across subtlety when watching a music group live or listening to a recording, I get little surges of pleasure in catching it. While the main idea of the music maybe be enjoyable enough, its the little nuances that make the idea all the more stated. or ...er...understated. ..anyway...
My point?
Well, lately, God has been giving me subtle nudges. I don't just mean "small", even though they are, but its "nuanced". It's part of a larger piece of music...a larger work of art.
I thought I was in the bridge of my song...my "song of life"...thought I knew what was coming because the last chorus is just the same as the first, but more satisfying, and perhaps God might throw me a curve ball with a coda. Nope. I think perhaps I've done a chorus to start, and I'm finishing out the first verse. The chorus is the fact that I'm a Catholic Christian. It's my blueprint...my basis, the main idea. The verses are different eras in my life and how I live in light of that main idea. I'm figuring bridges are either some kind of trauma or larger change in direction. Some songs don't have a bridge, many do, and when the bridge is too early in a song, (sometimes like those old gershwin tunes that do a long intro bridge that no one remembers...you know why? because its the bridge that is done too early...without the main idea stated yet, its got no legs yet), when the bridge is too early it can lead to disaster, or be confusing. When one doesn't have their faith base yet, a trauma can be very harmful, but when one does have their faith, traumas are avenues to help us cling even more to God and it gives us strength...so we return back to the chorus...often with an uplifting key change.
(This metephor is working great for me...how long can I milk it?)
Back to subtlety: Lately, there have been a few moments that I noticed a little nudge. Like that unexpected chord, or the time dropping out to get back to the storytelling, something to make me take notice.
Now, I could actually write these experiences out, but that wouldn't be subtle, would it?
I enjoy subtle nuances in music. (Was that repetitive? Subtle nuance? I needed a noun). These little "nods" can sometimes be like inside jokes or it can make you long for a little more, because its not overdone.
Examples of "subtlety"...
Straight no Chaser "Hark the Herald/Angels we have heard".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2PedMcs8fA
The arrangement is magnificent, the change in chord progression is only just a little different, and the execution of it is heavenly. Not oversung...they aren't having to restrain, but just giving it the right "touch." In their live shows, many songs contain choreography and cheesy mugging, but this one is done with reverence. This arrangement does contain a lot of layers, however, the way they all end up in the pinnacle part of the chorus, which is the unexpected minor chord that rounds off to end the word, is just the right amount of umph. A gentle breeze rather than hurricane winds.
Dave Matthews "Christmas Song"
I know its old, but the simplicity of just guitar and voice take away distractions from the meaning of the lyrics. The song stands by itself, it doesn't need lots of layers or instrumentation to grab you. The back and forth of a free flowy kind of feel in the verse to the 2&4 time kept in the chorus helps you listen to the story, then hear the point made.
When coming across subtlety when watching a music group live or listening to a recording, I get little surges of pleasure in catching it. While the main idea of the music maybe be enjoyable enough, its the little nuances that make the idea all the more stated. or ...er...understated. ..anyway...
My point?
Well, lately, God has been giving me subtle nudges. I don't just mean "small", even though they are, but its "nuanced". It's part of a larger piece of music...a larger work of art.
I thought I was in the bridge of my song...my "song of life"...thought I knew what was coming because the last chorus is just the same as the first, but more satisfying, and perhaps God might throw me a curve ball with a coda. Nope. I think perhaps I've done a chorus to start, and I'm finishing out the first verse. The chorus is the fact that I'm a Catholic Christian. It's my blueprint...my basis, the main idea. The verses are different eras in my life and how I live in light of that main idea. I'm figuring bridges are either some kind of trauma or larger change in direction. Some songs don't have a bridge, many do, and when the bridge is too early in a song, (sometimes like those old gershwin tunes that do a long intro bridge that no one remembers...you know why? because its the bridge that is done too early...without the main idea stated yet, its got no legs yet), when the bridge is too early it can lead to disaster, or be confusing. When one doesn't have their faith base yet, a trauma can be very harmful, but when one does have their faith, traumas are avenues to help us cling even more to God and it gives us strength...so we return back to the chorus...often with an uplifting key change.
(This metephor is working great for me...how long can I milk it?)
Back to subtlety: Lately, there have been a few moments that I noticed a little nudge. Like that unexpected chord, or the time dropping out to get back to the storytelling, something to make me take notice.
Now, I could actually write these experiences out, but that wouldn't be subtle, would it?
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Spiritual Direction
I met with a new spiritual director yesterday. He doesn't know if he can take me on regularly, however, I'll appreciate any time I get with this guy. He was uh may zing.
He knew exactly the right questions to ask when, he could discern exactly where I was, he had the right balance of empathy and challenges, but completely validated my stuff. Very gifted.
The major thing I realized I need to do is become detached to certain desires. (No, not THOSE kind). Just specific things in my life that have become more of a focus, so much so that any prayer is particularly painful because it is always about that focus. To be clear, this does not mean I want or pray for those desires to be taken away...not at all. It just means I stop clinging so hard...perhaps if I've even made them a "god" in a way...I gotta work on letting go.
After my meeting I came home and picked up the rosary. I got stuck, early on. Like, the first line early. "I believe in God.... " I kept saying that over and over..what does this mean? Do I REALLY believe in God, the father almighty, who made heaven and earth? Cause if I really and truly did, why is it so gosh darn hard to trust him? So I think my prayer for detachment is going to be using this line of the creed for meditation, hopefully contemplating the mystery of a God who willed my being, wills my breath, and has a plan...one thats better than I have for myself. Cause there is a God and its not me.
This means I have some many painful times in adoration waiting for me. It means I will be begging God to help me become detached, because I certainly can't do it on my own. Will you pray for me?
He knew exactly the right questions to ask when, he could discern exactly where I was, he had the right balance of empathy and challenges, but completely validated my stuff. Very gifted.
The major thing I realized I need to do is become detached to certain desires. (No, not THOSE kind). Just specific things in my life that have become more of a focus, so much so that any prayer is particularly painful because it is always about that focus. To be clear, this does not mean I want or pray for those desires to be taken away...not at all. It just means I stop clinging so hard...perhaps if I've even made them a "god" in a way...I gotta work on letting go.
After my meeting I came home and picked up the rosary. I got stuck, early on. Like, the first line early. "I believe in God.... " I kept saying that over and over..what does this mean? Do I REALLY believe in God, the father almighty, who made heaven and earth? Cause if I really and truly did, why is it so gosh darn hard to trust him? So I think my prayer for detachment is going to be using this line of the creed for meditation, hopefully contemplating the mystery of a God who willed my being, wills my breath, and has a plan...one thats better than I have for myself. Cause there is a God and its not me.
This means I have some many painful times in adoration waiting for me. It means I will be begging God to help me become detached, because I certainly can't do it on my own. Will you pray for me?
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
song lyrics
This song perfectly describes what's in me right now. Perfectly
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbe7VZGbieU
Well sometimes the sun shines on
Other people's houses and not mine.
Some days the clouds paint the sky all gray
And it takes away my summertime.
Somehow the sun keeps shining upon you,
While I struggle to get mine.
If there's a light in everybody,
Send out your ray of sunshine.
I want to walk the same roads as everybody else,
Through the trees and past the gates.
Getting high on heavenly breezes,
Making new friends along the way.
I won't ask much of nobody,
I'm just here to sing along.
And make my mistakes looks gracious,
And learn some lessons from my wrongs.
Well sometimes the sun shines on
Other people's houses and not mine.
Some days the clouds paint the sky all gray
And it takes away my summertime.
Somehow the sun keeps shining upon you,
While I struggle to get mine.
A little light never hurt nobody,
Send out your ray of sunshine.
Oh, if this little light of mine
Combined with yours today,
How many watts could we luminate?
How many villages could we save?
My umbrella's tired of the weather,
Wearing me down.
Well, look at me now.
You should look as good as your outlook,
Would you mind if I took some time,
to soak up your light, your beautiful light?
You've got a paradise inside.
I get hungry for love and thirsty for life,
And much too full on the pain,
When I look to the sky to help me
And sometimes it looks like rain.
As the sun shines on other people's houses
And not mine,
And the sky paints those clouds in a way
That it takes away the summertime,
Somehow the sun keeps shining upon you,
while I kindly stand by.
If theres a light in everybody,
Send out your ray of sunshine
You're undeniably warm, you're cerulean,
You're perfect in desire.
Won't you hang around
so the sun, it can shine on me,
And the clouds they can roll away,
And the sky can become a possibility?
If there's a light in everybody,
Send out your ray of sunshine.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbe7VZGbieU
Well sometimes the sun shines on
Other people's houses and not mine.
Some days the clouds paint the sky all gray
And it takes away my summertime.
Somehow the sun keeps shining upon you,
While I struggle to get mine.
If there's a light in everybody,
Send out your ray of sunshine.
I want to walk the same roads as everybody else,
Through the trees and past the gates.
Getting high on heavenly breezes,
Making new friends along the way.
I won't ask much of nobody,
I'm just here to sing along.
And make my mistakes looks gracious,
And learn some lessons from my wrongs.
Well sometimes the sun shines on
Other people's houses and not mine.
Some days the clouds paint the sky all gray
And it takes away my summertime.
Somehow the sun keeps shining upon you,
While I struggle to get mine.
A little light never hurt nobody,
Send out your ray of sunshine.
Oh, if this little light of mine
Combined with yours today,
How many watts could we luminate?
How many villages could we save?
My umbrella's tired of the weather,
Wearing me down.
Well, look at me now.
You should look as good as your outlook,
Would you mind if I took some time,
to soak up your light, your beautiful light?
You've got a paradise inside.
I get hungry for love and thirsty for life,
And much too full on the pain,
When I look to the sky to help me
And sometimes it looks like rain.
As the sun shines on other people's houses
And not mine,
And the sky paints those clouds in a way
That it takes away the summertime,
Somehow the sun keeps shining upon you,
while I kindly stand by.
If theres a light in everybody,
Send out your ray of sunshine
You're undeniably warm, you're cerulean,
You're perfect in desire.
Won't you hang around
so the sun, it can shine on me,
And the clouds they can roll away,
And the sky can become a possibility?
If there's a light in everybody,
Send out your ray of sunshine.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Fragile
This last month has probably been one of the most bipolar months I've ever had. No, I'm not bipolar, but the events in my life this month have led me to experience some of my highest, and then some of the lowest I have ever felt.
For a long time I have slowly been healing-- I recently reached a healthier point of trusting, letting my heart be more free. It wasn't quite euphoric, but on the way there. Well, satan was working on me overtime because he used that and I was deceived, resulting in being devastated.
In different interactions with people, this past month has included being used, tricked, manipulated, lied to, rejected, ignored, and discarded away. Not just once or twice, but several times, by several different people. I'm not claiming complete innocence in protecting my own dignity from the start, but I certainly didn't lead anyone into it. These situations made me feel like garbage, like I had no worth. Communication was cut off so I couldn't even express my thoughts, defend myself, or vent. This I think is the most frustrating thing. When one feels like they have no worth, its very easy to slip into living as if they had no worth. Lack of motivation, bitterness, sinfulness can very easily be consuming.
And to those of you who have ever done something like this to someone, if at all possible, I beg you, ask forgiveness from the person you have harmed. Please dont think lightly of the situation because the hurt and pain goes way deeper than you may think. The relief to their hearts, possibly a sense of justice, could be obtained and there might be a taste of mercy.
To anyone who is currently in a situation where they may be lowering someone's dignity-- Stop it. Be a bigger and better person, and stop being so rotten. The more you tear down someone else's dignity, the less human you are. (This is not meant to be insulting, this is actual theological truth. We become more fully alive and fully human-- meaning, the full integrated person we are called to be by God, the more pure and “gift” we make ourselves)
I have to say that I include myself in all of these groups, too, although this last month has been a very lonely time, that I haven't had much opportunity to do the “tearing down”... I haven't been as much of a “gift” either.
I'm ticked off. The emotions are extremely raw right now. I'm feeling them very deeply.
But this leads me into recognizing that something bigger is going on. I think God is pulling me closer to Him, and because of that, the enemy is working overtime on me. I haven't handled everything perfectly, but I keep going back, seeking forgiveness, praying for more grace to withstand the purification process.
In attending TOB events this summer, a couple of particular items stood out to me. Things I had been educated on already but my heart was ready to hear them for the first time.
The word is “beauty”.
Children have psychological/sexual (meaning difference of the sexes) development that they gain from each of their parents. It is an absolute MUST that a father allow his daughter to radiate her beauty and is physically affectionate with her. She holds this close to her heart, knowing deep inside of her intrinsic worth and is a member of the pinnacle of God's creation in her femininity.
I never got this. In fact, my dad took me out on the deck to razor my hair off several times (not buzz cut, just short)...I was mistaken for a boy a lot as a child. When I told my parents this bothered me, I was dismissed. My parents had no idea the wounds that were being caused, nor the disastrous effect that could result.
In growing up, I've tried seeking for some affirmation of my beauty in many ways, sinful at first, then in more integrated and healthy ways later as I became aware of the source of wounds and their antedote. It's still a work in progress...but I've come a long way. I still have a fragile heart, but I think that if we all considered everyone around us to have a fragile heart to handle with care, wouldn't be all be a little more tender with each other?
My last note is to anyone-- especially women, who is the victim currently or has been in the past of some kind of using, degrading, abusive, undignified behavior or even just on the receiving end of bitter words:
You are an unrepeatable, unique, beautiful gift from God to the world. You are close to His heart and you are worth more than any money, fame, or other worldly distractions that might be given a fake value on earth. You are master of your own mystery. Cling onto the Lord who created you, loves you, and sustains you. Open your heart to receive the lover (Jesus) who pursues you and is crazy about you, because He will not degrade, use, or betray you.
Even amongst all this turmoil, as the emotions are felt deeper, my senses are more heightened to passionate music (and art, etc) that display their ache for beauty.
This song, while cliché and a little cheesy, has lyrics that nail right on what is going on... and actually, what I heard before reading and listening to the lyrics was the subtle passions in the voice and instrumental licks. (several different versions had different nuances that drew me in).
Bridge over troubled Water
When you're weary Feeling small When tears are in your eyes I will dry them all
I'm on your side When times get rough And friends just can't be found
Like a bridge over troubled water I will lay me down
When you're down and out When you're on the street When evening falls so hard I will comfort you
I'll take your part When darkness comes And pain is all around
Like a bridge over troubled water I will lay me down
Sail on Silver Girl, Sail on by Your time has come to shine All your dreams are on their way
See how they shine If you need a friend I'm sailing right behind
Like a bridge over troubled water I will ease your mind
For a long time I have slowly been healing-- I recently reached a healthier point of trusting, letting my heart be more free. It wasn't quite euphoric, but on the way there. Well, satan was working on me overtime because he used that and I was deceived, resulting in being devastated.
In different interactions with people, this past month has included being used, tricked, manipulated, lied to, rejected, ignored, and discarded away. Not just once or twice, but several times, by several different people. I'm not claiming complete innocence in protecting my own dignity from the start, but I certainly didn't lead anyone into it. These situations made me feel like garbage, like I had no worth. Communication was cut off so I couldn't even express my thoughts, defend myself, or vent. This I think is the most frustrating thing. When one feels like they have no worth, its very easy to slip into living as if they had no worth. Lack of motivation, bitterness, sinfulness can very easily be consuming.
And to those of you who have ever done something like this to someone, if at all possible, I beg you, ask forgiveness from the person you have harmed. Please dont think lightly of the situation because the hurt and pain goes way deeper than you may think. The relief to their hearts, possibly a sense of justice, could be obtained and there might be a taste of mercy.
To anyone who is currently in a situation where they may be lowering someone's dignity-- Stop it. Be a bigger and better person, and stop being so rotten. The more you tear down someone else's dignity, the less human you are. (This is not meant to be insulting, this is actual theological truth. We become more fully alive and fully human-- meaning, the full integrated person we are called to be by God, the more pure and “gift” we make ourselves)
I have to say that I include myself in all of these groups, too, although this last month has been a very lonely time, that I haven't had much opportunity to do the “tearing down”... I haven't been as much of a “gift” either.
I'm ticked off. The emotions are extremely raw right now. I'm feeling them very deeply.
But this leads me into recognizing that something bigger is going on. I think God is pulling me closer to Him, and because of that, the enemy is working overtime on me. I haven't handled everything perfectly, but I keep going back, seeking forgiveness, praying for more grace to withstand the purification process.
In attending TOB events this summer, a couple of particular items stood out to me. Things I had been educated on already but my heart was ready to hear them for the first time.
The word is “beauty”.
Children have psychological/sexual (meaning difference of the sexes) development that they gain from each of their parents. It is an absolute MUST that a father allow his daughter to radiate her beauty and is physically affectionate with her. She holds this close to her heart, knowing deep inside of her intrinsic worth and is a member of the pinnacle of God's creation in her femininity.
I never got this. In fact, my dad took me out on the deck to razor my hair off several times (not buzz cut, just short)...I was mistaken for a boy a lot as a child. When I told my parents this bothered me, I was dismissed. My parents had no idea the wounds that were being caused, nor the disastrous effect that could result.
In growing up, I've tried seeking for some affirmation of my beauty in many ways, sinful at first, then in more integrated and healthy ways later as I became aware of the source of wounds and their antedote. It's still a work in progress...but I've come a long way. I still have a fragile heart, but I think that if we all considered everyone around us to have a fragile heart to handle with care, wouldn't be all be a little more tender with each other?
My last note is to anyone-- especially women, who is the victim currently or has been in the past of some kind of using, degrading, abusive, undignified behavior or even just on the receiving end of bitter words:
You are an unrepeatable, unique, beautiful gift from God to the world. You are close to His heart and you are worth more than any money, fame, or other worldly distractions that might be given a fake value on earth. You are master of your own mystery. Cling onto the Lord who created you, loves you, and sustains you. Open your heart to receive the lover (Jesus) who pursues you and is crazy about you, because He will not degrade, use, or betray you.
Even amongst all this turmoil, as the emotions are felt deeper, my senses are more heightened to passionate music (and art, etc) that display their ache for beauty.
This song, while cliché and a little cheesy, has lyrics that nail right on what is going on... and actually, what I heard before reading and listening to the lyrics was the subtle passions in the voice and instrumental licks. (several different versions had different nuances that drew me in).
Bridge over troubled Water
When you're weary Feeling small When tears are in your eyes I will dry them all
I'm on your side When times get rough And friends just can't be found
Like a bridge over troubled water I will lay me down
When you're down and out When you're on the street When evening falls so hard I will comfort you
I'll take your part When darkness comes And pain is all around
Like a bridge over troubled water I will lay me down
Sail on Silver Girl, Sail on by Your time has come to shine All your dreams are on their way
See how they shine If you need a friend I'm sailing right behind
Like a bridge over troubled water I will ease your mind
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
ENFP
I am not inherently a neat person. It doesn't bother me to leave paper projects out- my lifeteen band can vouch for this as an alphabetized chart filing project has been on my table in my office for quite awhile now. They get to look at that while waiting for the last mass to get out.
But see, follow my logic now:
I have to plan ahead masses through the summer, cause then I have to put my binder together of those masses-- and why should I put all those charts away when I have to go back and get those songs out again? Kind of like making your bed...which is like tying shoes when they are off your feet. Doesn't make sense.
But anywho... having said all this, I can easily function as a neat person. I like to have things cleaned up and all that-- and I'm being serious here I can do it. I know I can because I have. When I had a roommate, I kept the common areas clean very easily. Happily even. When its left to just me, I'm not as motivated. When no one is coming over, I leave bills out, the stuff I bring in from the car sitting in the kitchen, the tool box still sitting out from 2 weeks ago, the papers still unfiled on my desk, etc.
Same with eating out too much. As an extrovert, it kills me to eat at home alone. I hate it...SO MUCH. I mean, I really really do. I'm not talking about a breakfast drink as I head out for an early work day, but dinner night after night. It sucks. It's horrible. It's terrifyingly lonely. Therefore, on many flex time days, by the time noon comes, I MUST get out of the house, and usually head to subway or Friday's or something. Depending on how much I've planned ahead, I sometimes bring dinner to work for my night meeting, or if I don't have a meeting, sometimes I eat at home or out again. It's a horrible waste of money and portions are always too much. But its a price I pay for my sanity. I've come to grow less guilty about it because I've embraced and learned about my needs stemming from my myerrs briggs type (ENFP)The prayer for my type is “Lord, help me to keep my mind on one thing 'LOOK a bird!' at a time.
However, I can easily function by cooking at home a lot. I know I can because I have. When I was dating someone last year, we would often have dinners at my house and I or he would cook. It was so pleasant, it was cheaper, and it worked.
making your way in the world today takes everything you got, sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your....
er.... anyway....I told you...”look a bird”...
Back to myerrs briggs: I heartily recommend this. I've taken it probably at least 5 times, the first back in 98. Extrovert, Intuitive, Feeler, Perceiver
the opposite is introvert, sensate, thinker, judger
They aren't exactly as they sound. As an extrovert I can easily plan and commit to social outings, even if I see a heavy week ahead, because I know what I'd like is to go to a good party after one. Introverts hesitate to commit, if they know themselves, because by the time the event comes, they may need to decompress on their own from whatever happened that week.
It is important to note...NEITHER is a negative. Introverts simply get their energy by being alone. Extroverts get it by processing in their output and being around other people.
After understanding the more nuanced definitions of the types, I have found a lot of amusement in observing others and the way they relate.
But see, follow my logic now:
I have to plan ahead masses through the summer, cause then I have to put my binder together of those masses-- and why should I put all those charts away when I have to go back and get those songs out again? Kind of like making your bed...which is like tying shoes when they are off your feet. Doesn't make sense.
But anywho... having said all this, I can easily function as a neat person. I like to have things cleaned up and all that-- and I'm being serious here I can do it. I know I can because I have. When I had a roommate, I kept the common areas clean very easily. Happily even. When its left to just me, I'm not as motivated. When no one is coming over, I leave bills out, the stuff I bring in from the car sitting in the kitchen, the tool box still sitting out from 2 weeks ago, the papers still unfiled on my desk, etc.
Same with eating out too much. As an extrovert, it kills me to eat at home alone. I hate it...SO MUCH. I mean, I really really do. I'm not talking about a breakfast drink as I head out for an early work day, but dinner night after night. It sucks. It's horrible. It's terrifyingly lonely. Therefore, on many flex time days, by the time noon comes, I MUST get out of the house, and usually head to subway or Friday's or something. Depending on how much I've planned ahead, I sometimes bring dinner to work for my night meeting, or if I don't have a meeting, sometimes I eat at home or out again. It's a horrible waste of money and portions are always too much. But its a price I pay for my sanity. I've come to grow less guilty about it because I've embraced and learned about my needs stemming from my myerrs briggs type (ENFP)The prayer for my type is “Lord, help me to keep my mind on one thing 'LOOK a bird!' at a time.
However, I can easily function by cooking at home a lot. I know I can because I have. When I was dating someone last year, we would often have dinners at my house and I or he would cook. It was so pleasant, it was cheaper, and it worked.
making your way in the world today takes everything you got, sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your....
er.... anyway....I told you...”look a bird”...
Back to myerrs briggs: I heartily recommend this. I've taken it probably at least 5 times, the first back in 98. Extrovert, Intuitive, Feeler, Perceiver
the opposite is introvert, sensate, thinker, judger
They aren't exactly as they sound. As an extrovert I can easily plan and commit to social outings, even if I see a heavy week ahead, because I know what I'd like is to go to a good party after one. Introverts hesitate to commit, if they know themselves, because by the time the event comes, they may need to decompress on their own from whatever happened that week.
It is important to note...NEITHER is a negative. Introverts simply get their energy by being alone. Extroverts get it by processing in their output and being around other people.
After understanding the more nuanced definitions of the types, I have found a lot of amusement in observing others and the way they relate.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
My Good Friday
As a music director, I really don't get much of a chance to live a liturgical season as I'm planning and rehearsing music ahead- singing the “a” word during lent and such. Beginning in grade school I formed a bad habit of being on auto-pilot at Mass. When I first had a “conversion” and started caring about my faith in college, it was quite awhile after that I realized I was still on auto-pilot and zoning out during mass not thinking about anything really. I tried to start keeping my brain more active but that habit keeps coming back. It got a little better, and then I got a job as a music director. When one does 3-4 masses on average every Sunday, auto-pilot becomes a survival technique. I hear my cue: “Let us proclaim the mystery of faith:” to which I respond with the 4 chord intro to the memorial acclamation. No thought necessary. It's almost hypnotizing. This habit leaks over to my other masses I play during the week, and even worse, sometimes I discover after the 4th Sunday mass that I haven't really heard the Gospel. I was there, yes, but it didn't stick. The plan was to be “awake” for the first mass of the day, then allow myself to check out. Habits. Ugh.
Also, in the last few years, I've been metaphorically grasping some things rather than allowing God to give them to me as gifts, if only I would trust. (Think the fist around something in a jar and you can't get the fist out because its holding on to whatever...but if you let go, you can get your hand out and whatever else it is).
So yesterday, Good Friday, I decided to take some time with the Lord and remember his passion. Our altar of repose is in our daily mass chapel, so I went in there at 2:45 and said the sorrowful mysteries and divine mercy chaplet, and I forced myself to let the mysteries seep into me. IWell, it worked. My heart grew very heavy, and the tears came. I thought about His death and wounds and pain. I'm not scrupulous at all, but I think God allowed me to feel deeper sorrow at this event yesterday as a gift. I began what I know is going to be a long process of allowing God to love me and letting go of all the things I want. I got an impression, (not a vision/apparition), but just this image Jesus was pouring His precious blood into the tiny little space in my heart that I had just opened to Him.
At this time, when I'm exploring this experience with God and wondering what the source and benefit is, a couple people show up in the sacristy (next to the chapel) to set up things for the evening service. Now, I know that stuff has to be done. Perhaps this was the only time available for them, but it was the hour of mercy on Good Friday. At this time, I'm just thinking there's a couple of Martha's running around in church. It's amazing how easy it is to be judgmental of others when you discover it in yourself.
Anywho, the rest of the day I did an errand and some cleaning at home. I was aware of God's presence...not necessarily peaceful, but weighty. I had planned to work on taxes in the evening, but since God was at the top of my mind all day, decided to go to a neighboring parish for the service. I got there at the end of the gospel. During the homily which didn't have much substance, I read the gospel, and then participated in the rest. While waiting to reverence the cross, I was reading a couple surrendering prayers that I was very present too. I was really present to the rest of the service...didn't fall into the auto-pilot thing too much.
Well, I decided I wanted to go to confession. I had just gone 1 ½ weeks before, but I was wrestling with this “weight” and this intense experience that I needed some healing graces. Now I go to confession pretty often, and I don't have a fear of it. I also know that priests are very busy especially at this time. This evening after the service the 3 priests were hearing the first confessions of all those coming into the church this year at this parish. I found this out by asking the deacon. As one of the priests was walking in, I asked him if he could hear mine after they were done and he said “I guess...”. After they got started I approached a person who was directing people to the appropriate corners and asked if the sponsors were also going to confession and she said no. I asked if it would be ok to go after they were done, and she said she doesn't know if I should because there were some strict orders that only candidates were going that evening. I was disappointed. I can completely respect the situation, but I was disappointed. This also explains this priest's response to me.
Now, things to keep in mind: these priests may have been hearing confessions for hours that day. They've been up in the mornings and had late nights this week, and have another really late one tomorrow with early morning on Sunday. They've been doing penance services all Lent long. I get it- the RCIA sponsors and other Catholics should not be waiting till Good Friday to go to confession. (And I hadn't, either. This desire to go was a new development from the day). Now, if I had persisted and asked one of the priests when it was done, I'm sure they would have honored the request, too.
Here's my one problem with it: What if I was someone who had just decided to come back to church that night for the first time in 15 years? This small experience doesn't detour me, I set a meeting up with a friend tomorrow. I just hope that someone else hasn't gotten turned off by a small oversight like this.
I must end this portion with a toast to my beloved fathers in the church. I love you- and you are awesome. Thank you so much for your service and bringing Christ to the family. God bless you.
So on my way home, the tears start coming again. I get home and start crying..over what, I don't know. It isn't a peaceful or joyful cry, but its not one of pain or self-pity either. I can't seem to describe it. I remember a similar experience on my first awakening, sitting in the church- feeling a weight, feeling God's presence. Maybe he's just giving me a big bear hug so its hard to breathe.
All in all today I've spent about 3 ½ hours in deeper prayer, and the rest of the day with God at the top of my mind. This is more than I've done in the past several years put together I think. I've made efforts with rosaries and things, but haven't really immersed myself into it. I should try this more often.
Also, in the last few years, I've been metaphorically grasping some things rather than allowing God to give them to me as gifts, if only I would trust. (Think the fist around something in a jar and you can't get the fist out because its holding on to whatever...but if you let go, you can get your hand out and whatever else it is).
So yesterday, Good Friday, I decided to take some time with the Lord and remember his passion. Our altar of repose is in our daily mass chapel, so I went in there at 2:45 and said the sorrowful mysteries and divine mercy chaplet, and I forced myself to let the mysteries seep into me. IWell, it worked. My heart grew very heavy, and the tears came. I thought about His death and wounds and pain. I'm not scrupulous at all, but I think God allowed me to feel deeper sorrow at this event yesterday as a gift. I began what I know is going to be a long process of allowing God to love me and letting go of all the things I want. I got an impression, (not a vision/apparition), but just this image Jesus was pouring His precious blood into the tiny little space in my heart that I had just opened to Him.
At this time, when I'm exploring this experience with God and wondering what the source and benefit is, a couple people show up in the sacristy (next to the chapel) to set up things for the evening service. Now, I know that stuff has to be done. Perhaps this was the only time available for them, but it was the hour of mercy on Good Friday. At this time, I'm just thinking there's a couple of Martha's running around in church. It's amazing how easy it is to be judgmental of others when you discover it in yourself.
Anywho, the rest of the day I did an errand and some cleaning at home. I was aware of God's presence...not necessarily peaceful, but weighty. I had planned to work on taxes in the evening, but since God was at the top of my mind all day, decided to go to a neighboring parish for the service. I got there at the end of the gospel. During the homily which didn't have much substance, I read the gospel, and then participated in the rest. While waiting to reverence the cross, I was reading a couple surrendering prayers that I was very present too. I was really present to the rest of the service...didn't fall into the auto-pilot thing too much.
Well, I decided I wanted to go to confession. I had just gone 1 ½ weeks before, but I was wrestling with this “weight” and this intense experience that I needed some healing graces. Now I go to confession pretty often, and I don't have a fear of it. I also know that priests are very busy especially at this time. This evening after the service the 3 priests were hearing the first confessions of all those coming into the church this year at this parish. I found this out by asking the deacon. As one of the priests was walking in, I asked him if he could hear mine after they were done and he said “I guess...”. After they got started I approached a person who was directing people to the appropriate corners and asked if the sponsors were also going to confession and she said no. I asked if it would be ok to go after they were done, and she said she doesn't know if I should because there were some strict orders that only candidates were going that evening. I was disappointed. I can completely respect the situation, but I was disappointed. This also explains this priest's response to me.
Now, things to keep in mind: these priests may have been hearing confessions for hours that day. They've been up in the mornings and had late nights this week, and have another really late one tomorrow with early morning on Sunday. They've been doing penance services all Lent long. I get it- the RCIA sponsors and other Catholics should not be waiting till Good Friday to go to confession. (And I hadn't, either. This desire to go was a new development from the day). Now, if I had persisted and asked one of the priests when it was done, I'm sure they would have honored the request, too.
Here's my one problem with it: What if I was someone who had just decided to come back to church that night for the first time in 15 years? This small experience doesn't detour me, I set a meeting up with a friend tomorrow. I just hope that someone else hasn't gotten turned off by a small oversight like this.
I must end this portion with a toast to my beloved fathers in the church. I love you- and you are awesome. Thank you so much for your service and bringing Christ to the family. God bless you.
So on my way home, the tears start coming again. I get home and start crying..over what, I don't know. It isn't a peaceful or joyful cry, but its not one of pain or self-pity either. I can't seem to describe it. I remember a similar experience on my first awakening, sitting in the church- feeling a weight, feeling God's presence. Maybe he's just giving me a big bear hug so its hard to breathe.
All in all today I've spent about 3 ½ hours in deeper prayer, and the rest of the day with God at the top of my mind. This is more than I've done in the past several years put together I think. I've made efforts with rosaries and things, but haven't really immersed myself into it. I should try this more often.
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