I met with a new spiritual director yesterday. He doesn't know if he can take me on regularly, however, I'll appreciate any time I get with this guy. He was uh may zing.
He knew exactly the right questions to ask when, he could discern exactly where I was, he had the right balance of empathy and challenges, but completely validated my stuff. Very gifted.
The major thing I realized I need to do is become detached to certain desires. (No, not THOSE kind). Just specific things in my life that have become more of a focus, so much so that any prayer is particularly painful because it is always about that focus. To be clear, this does not mean I want or pray for those desires to be taken away...not at all. It just means I stop clinging so hard...perhaps if I've even made them a "god" in a way...I gotta work on letting go.
After my meeting I came home and picked up the rosary. I got stuck, early on. Like, the first line early. "I believe in God.... " I kept saying that over and over..what does this mean? Do I REALLY believe in God, the father almighty, who made heaven and earth? Cause if I really and truly did, why is it so gosh darn hard to trust him? So I think my prayer for detachment is going to be using this line of the creed for meditation, hopefully contemplating the mystery of a God who willed my being, wills my breath, and has a plan...one thats better than I have for myself. Cause there is a God and its not me.
This means I have some many painful times in adoration waiting for me. It means I will be begging God to help me become detached, because I certainly can't do it on my own. Will you pray for me?
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1 comment:
Yes, I will pray for you. I wish you would talk to me more at faculty functions. I think you are very talented and have a beautiful voice - that is why I had you sing at my wedding.
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