Use to be easier for me during Lent. I gave up Soda no problem. When I needed to fast, I could. However, I use to be able to sleep in on Ash Wednesday. So my first “small meal” wasn’t consumed till after noon.
Now, I have a blood sugar/anxiety/endocrine/glycemic thing going on (which admittedly if I really worked at it I could fix it, or get it way better myself) that has me hooked on sugar. Soda, specifically. Anytime a stress comes up, my adrenaline shoots up, if I’m anywhere near hungry at the time, I have to eat or I’ll get light headed and lethargic. If I don’t have anything on hand, I go unhealthy because its fast and cheap. This leads to more addiction and up and down, etc. This makes a fasting day a dreading day for me. Now, I realize anyone with a health issue is exempt, but I CAN get by with the minimum requirements without any physical harm done.
Here’s the deal – Ash Wednesdays are now long and work filled days for me. Leave the house at 7 AM for First Mass at 8 AM- (leading a mass with a kids choir and band is adrenaline triggering for me as there is a lot to think about). Then, today I had a funeral at 10. This evening I have Mass at 7, with a choir rehearsal after until 9 PM.
Every Lent I start out with the best of intentions, giving up soda. Those bubbles…mmm mmm. Sometimes I don’t even make it through the first day. Today, during my last eating venture of the day, my “regular meal” I took a few sips of soda for the taste and bubbles. I quickly changed over to lite lemonade after that.
Soooo. .what do I mean by “it worked?” While I was sipping on the coke I thought of…is this that great? Was it worth it? I can’t give up bubbles for God who gave His life for me? Why do I hype it up so much? All day I thought about my actions, my fasting, the purpose, offering suffering, what I was really giving up compared to those who do without so much more (Haiti right now). I realized how insignificant these sacrifices were, yet so meaningful in my life. I stretched yet again in mastering myself. I feel right now (even though the day is far from over), that I have more strength and focus. I have more control (the good kind) of my work, my time, and my life. Early on I felt hungry and wanted to eat my next “allowed” portion, but I purposely delayed it a few hours…not only because I knew I had a long way to go in the day, but because I wanted to focus on that feeling of being hungry and pray for purification. Stomach is empty, more room for God.
While some find fasting extremely easy (and thank God for their graces they achieve for us that don’t), I wonder today if I wasn’t a bit like the poor widow who gave her last 2 coins. Such a small feat, but taught me so much.
1 comment:
Glad to hear that someone else has the same problem (with not eating), except with me, it's more "shaky" instead of "lightheaded".
My trick for surviving the "fast" days is to delay the first eating for as long as possible. I find that as long as I'm not eating throughout the morning, my body becomes accustomed to not having anything.
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